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  Files Name Feedback message Course/Session  
  Book – 2021Draft 3.docx
Kara / Deborah
Aug 14, 2022 23:25

EUREKA! I FOUND IT! Chapter 7 – sorry; was struggling a bit with correction dates. – August 1 and then Wed, Aug 10, it looks like. I really like what you’ve done – this truth-telling piece is so very important, and having the supports in place to be able to tell it with dignity is critical.

I have two further questions – that may be a bit off-putting, but they must be considered:
1. How are you ending this text? It doesn’t feel resolved.
2. And mentioning “truth-telling,” I know that you have been through quite a bit in your journey and you are freshly retired which puts you in a different headspace. Is this text written in the tone, register and voice that you will want to follow you or associated with you in 3-5 years? Is the information you have shared information you will be comfortable having circulated in professional circles? I do NOT ask because I think anything is wrong with the text at all – I ask to ensure that you are confident and able to securely stand on your writing into perpetuity.

Great work, Mable. Great work.

- Feedback
  Book – 2021Draft 3.docx
Kara / Deborah
Aug 14, 2022 22:36

“Sometimes, holding on to history can cost you your destiny.” – Dr. Mable Alfred
This is golden, Soror.

This book is so cleverly written, Mable. I think it will have great impact.

Are there editing marks past July 26 in chapter 7? Those are the latest I’m able to find in the section you asked me to re-review. Please let me know if I am missing them.

Just a couple of things:

1. In the Be-attitudes, I think you need an add to resilience (addition in all caps) – “Be Resilient – It’s ok not to be ok. A PART OF RESILIENCE IS ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THINGS AREN’T GREAT AND THAT A “BOUNCE BACK” IS NECESSARY. Masking the pain and pretending you’re ok will affect your social and emotional well-being.

2. In Chapter 7 – for this section:
(This is more editorial than coaching…)

Take the next steps to your truths by:

Do you want the gerund form –
Telling
Living
Owning
Committing
Reclaiming
Sharing

OR do you want the imperative form:
Tell
Live
Own
Commit
Reclaim
Share?
If you want the imperative form, I suggest that your intro line be:

“Take the next steps to your truths: (delete the “by”)”

if you want the gerund form, keep the sentence and shift your verbs a bit.

3. What was the section that you cut on Wednesday about the Roman soldier and the girdle?

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  Book – 2021Draft 3.docx
Kara / Deborah
Aug 14, 2022 21:47

Perfect! I will review. Did you read my feedback from Aug 2? What were your thoughts?

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Book – 2021Draft 3.docx

Aug 13, 2022 08:04

Hi Cara,
I am resubmitting because I added some language to Chapter 7 only. It was a very short chapter and I felt chapter 7 was not well explained and needed a little more meat. I will not change anything else until I hear from you.
Mable

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