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Hello Katrina – thank you for your patience in this miscommunication. I thought you had submitted to Marilyn separately. I have a few notes that can streamline your work, but I also know that the choice is yours to make them or not.

You have been very transparent and that is admirable. This is a very difficult topic to write about, but you have been honest with your frustrations. I really like the analogy of the laundry – it’s good to follow all the way through. I also LOVE the clarity of your subheadings; it really makes the text easy to follow from an intent perspective.

I want you to sound more authoritative. In that regard, you make numerous statements like “in this book I will tell you…” or “as I explain in this book… “or “I hope that after reading this book…” Trina, you don’t really need statements like that; they make you sound like you are trying to convince the reader that they SHOULD read your book. But KATRINA! They ARE reading it! They are here! You ARE the authority on this topic: THE LIFE OF TRINA LEWIS! 🙂 I would suggest taking them out – particularly past the first chapter or two (intro and chapter 1).

A few simpler thing: before you go to editing, I would also eliminate markers like “I went to visit her this week,” or “I taught Sunday School this Sunday” unless you are writing about a time that is relevant to your story line . Another example is “My daughter graduates this week…” A reader might ask, “What week?” “Why is that relevant?” “When was this book written?” Use words, instead, like “One particular Sunday, I taught a lesson that changed my life…” Otherwise, the actions are too close to a present that won’t exist by the time the book is published.

Psychologically/philosophically speaking, you ask this question: “Has someone every betrayed you that led you on a lifetime of depression? If so, explain how?” Are you saying that a person can cause you to be depressed for a lifetime? It worries me if that is the case as that is not clinically possible. In full transparency., it makes me question your healing a bit.

I think what has been plaguing you in the work is your sequencing. Your stories of grief are interspersed with your lessons of victory but they don’t feel like they are in order. It is one thing to speak language that lets the reader know that you recognize that your experiences are leading towards healing or victory; it is another thing to provide complete resolution and then re-open/explore other wounds and go back into the dark place.

For example, when you get to the chapter about your aunt, please tell us who she was/what the loss was earlier so that we can go on the journey with you about who she was in your life. In this way, timeline is important. When did you lose her in relation to your suicide attempt? Are you saying that losing her contributed to your mental state or was this after you were on the mend from the attempt?

Another example is in the section “Are you Existing or Living?” and “Eyewitness Account,” it almost feels like these can be your ending sections with some expansion. I think you should expand (there is so much you can say here that speaks to your journey) or merge it with some of your more solution-focused language at the end of the book.

There is LOTS that your editor will catch. What I TRULY would suggest with your document now that it is completed, before you send it to editing, is that you:
1. do the corrections I suggested above;
2. print your document;
3. physically cut apart the sections (from subheading to subheading) and move them around to see if there is an order you prefer when you read the chunks together or apart from each other. Don’t worry about fighting with your outline; read for flow. The content is there – you just want to lay out your work in the best way possible.

Thanks for all of your work, Katrina. I know that this may feel overwhelming right now, but I really think the time away from the document these last couple of weeks is IDEAL for this kind of work. You TRULY are almost there. Let Marilyn and I know what you need!

Here is my manuscript a few minutes late my apologies